Never again will I walk away.
Never again will I make myself cry.
My days walking alone,
Have come to a comforting rest.
Is this enough for my unforgivable mess?

I made you feel like I wanted nothing,
When really those thoughts seemed to,
Never scratch the surface.
I had my temptations, my hopes,
And I buried them down deep inside,
Now to reveal what I had lost.
To reveal what I had forgotten.

You said to me everything would be alright,
As I nodded, never believing a word.
So when will you realize
That I'll just walk alone,
And make it on my own.
Facing you in the eye is just too hard.
Believe me, no one likes the truth.

We become blinded by ill faith,
Clinging to our thoughts without reasoning.
Clouding thoughts in our minds,
And then it hurts so much,
As you become cleansed
Within the heart.

Have you ever asked the wild to be tamed?
Have you ever asked nature to stop being so alive?
So when can you possibly realize,
That whatever you say will pass through me?
My thoughts, they cannot be tempted on you.
Not since I've done so much
To make myself forget you!

Maybe I can't see you anymore,
Maybe it was all just a big mistake.
Does fate really control ones life?
Or are we all just pawns of a greater mind?

Still your voice, so sound and familiar
Flows gently through my veins.
Perhaps I will never forget...

...But if I stay right here
In your arms,
I may lose my life.
I may never stop this aching - this struggle,
Of past memories trying to be faded.
For now I will just allow your voice,
To remind me of what should never be forgotten.
-----------------------------------------------------------

I will post the next parts as I keep getting feedback on each. Decided to do a topic for seperate pieces, because I find one topic can make it seem cluttered.

I really thought that this was, on a whole, better that a lot of songs/poems about love. I felt like I actually could understand how the narrator was feeling in this, which is always a good sign. There's really just one thing that bugs me about this song. At the end of almost every line, there is a comma or a period.

I'm not sure if this is a song or a poem, but I will say that if this is a poem, it could definitely use stronger rhythm. Also, in some areas, I felt it could be slightly less prose-like. The beauty of writing a poem is that you don't need to obey the normal laws of grammar. E.G.:

"I made you feel like I wanted nothing,
When really those thoughts seemed to,
Never scratch the surface."

I feel that this could convey a lot more if it was written in a less prose-like way. Maybe something along the lines of "I projected a selfless image, though it did not reflect what I trully felt." This is, of course, a matter of personal opinion. I just think that if you're going to write something that isn't prose, you should use everything you can to make it stand out.

First of all, thank you for your response. =) Many people seem to not have the ability to crit this particular piece because they feel it is 'too long'.

Now what I must say, is that when I wrote this (and the following 5 other parts to-be-posted), it was through my own emotions at the time and each part was not written altogether. So I didn't really edit it much. I added correct grammar and punctuation only because someone gave a very good point on it.

I do agree with you, that a 'less-prose like way' may make it a lot more abstract, and I may be willing to do that. But I'm still gonna post the rest at a time to see what anyone has to say about it all.

I laughed my a** off when I read this. "Too long" does not apply to poems, unless it is an epic. The people who said it was too long are probably just lazy, or used to haikus *shudders*. xD.

Haha yeah I know. Many people call this my Masterpiece. I guess it's okay. Including all the parts it is the biggest piece I've done.

Okay, I'm gonna post my next part.